I bet in castles there was an unwritten rule to never run around a corner with your sword pointing out. Unless, of course, you have your safety cork stuck on the end. 4

For birds, the biggest disadvantage in a fight is that every time they throw a punch, they fly a little bit. 8

If you get into a knife fight, it could be funny to pull out a fork and spoon. Then again, might not be worth it. 5

If you find a dead possum on the side of the road, and also he has a cigarette in his mouth, well, then I’m not sure what killed him. 9

Becoming a detective is harder than you might think – a good spyglass can be pretty expensive. 2

If you accidentally spill a glass of water onto a towel, don’t worry about it – you got lucky this time. 6

If you see a bottle wash up on shore with a note in it, sometimes it’s best to just kick it back in. 6

At the projected rate of inflation, I’d be really careful smuggling money over the border inside your body. 6

How bout a movie about a wild pack of golden retrievers, and the power struggles that ensue from the foolish self-rule of domesticated breeds? Could be epic. 2

Apparently, even if you made them and brought them yourself, you still have to share the cookies with everyone. 2