I bet in castles there was an unwritten rule to never run around a corner with your sword pointing out. Unless, of course, you have your safety cork stuck on the end.

For birds, the biggest disadvantage in a fight is that every time they throw a punch, they fly a little bit.

If you get into a knife fight, it could be funny to pull out a fork and spoon. Then again, might not be worth it.

If you find a dead possum on the side of the road, and also he has a cigarette in his mouth, well, then I’m not sure what killed him.

Becoming a detective is harder than you might think – a good spyglass can be pretty expensive.

If you accidentally spill a glass of water onto a towel, don’t worry about it – you got lucky this time.

Not just any robot is good at performing surgery. They have to be programmed for that.

If you see a bottle wash up on shore with a note in it, sometimes it’s best to just kick it back in.

At the projected rate of inflation, I’d be really careful smuggling money over the border inside your body.

How bout a movie about a wild pack of golden retrievers, and the power struggles that ensue from the foolish self-rule of domesticated breeds? Could be epic.