You can’t just teach someone to make great crop circles. Either they have it or they don’t.

If your name is actually John Doe, you’re just asking to get murdered.

A good thing about dropping your computer out of your second story window is that the mouse probably still works perfectly fine.

I think it would be fair if blind people had vision spots in their car mirrors.

When your robot is fully charged, don’t worry about unplugging him right away. It’ll stop charging automatically.

If you’re trying to think of a nice gift for your dentist, don’t just think you have to get him something tooth related. He probably gets that kind of stuff all the time.

I’d like to invent something called “the wedge”, where cars can’t rear-end you, but instead they ramp over you.

I bet most murders are first inspired by a casual joke about killing someone.

If your pen runs out of ink, but you only had one more word to write – it doesn’t matter. You’re still going to need to get another pen.

A hollowed out watermelon half doesn’t actually make as good of a helmet as you might think.